Chapter 37

Maddie

The gun goes off as I’m turning around, aiming it at the person who’s responsible for this. The bullet enters Bella’s body, right in the heart. Blood splatters everywhere like spilled paint. Her heart stops. It’s followed by a cry.

My sister grins at me. “Good girl.” Then she drops the lighter onto the floor, the gasoline singes, then bright flames erupt through the living room.

Smoke and fumes encircle us and Lily disappears in the midst of it. I try to move through it, try to find my way out, but something heavy falls on me and I collapse to the ground.

I’m going to die.

This is it.

I’m going to die with blood on my hands. I’m a killer now, for real this time. There is no Lily with me, no force of will. I pulled the trigger. Killed Bella. And now I’m going to burn to death.

I feel a hand touch my arm and the last thing I think is: Well at least I’m not going to die alone. I have Lily hear with me.

***

When I open my eyes again, I’m lying out on the front lawn and my mother is with me, along with River. I pass right back out though and I come in and out of conscience for the next couple of days. When I finally do wake up, I’m in the hospital, my arms wrapped in bandages from the fire. There’s a brief moment where I think everything that has happened was a dream and that I’m just ten year old Maddie, lying in a hospital bed, saved after days of her father kidnapping her and her sister and ruining them, but then my mother walks in and I can see in her eyes that it’s not the case.

“How are you feeling?” she asks tentatively and she looks like she’s aged ten years overnight.

“Okay, I guess,” I tell her, listening to the monitors beep, my heartbeat so consistent, so steady, so strange considering the circumstances.

“Can you… remember what happened?” she asks, taking a seat in a chair that’s beside my bed.

I shrug, fiddling with the clamp that’s on my finger. “Vaguely.” Actually, at this point I can remember almost everything.

“Oh Maddie.” She takes my hand and her skin feels so cold… or maybe it’s mine. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I didn’t even know Bella had gotten out of jail, or I would have tried to protect you more.”

“You could have just told me the truth,” I tell her coldly. “Then I could have at least protected myself better.” I try to sit up, but I’m too weak. I loathe the feeling and can’t wait until I get better. “And you should have told me that Lily was still alive. That would have been nice… did the police find her?”

Her face drains of color, her hand tightening on mine. “Sweetie, your sister died in the fire with your father…” Tears well in her eyes. “I’m so sorry I never said anything to you about it... I’m so sorry I lied to you, but I just wanted to help you.”

“But you said she was bad,” I say, searching her eyes for the truth. The truth? The truth doesn’t exist. “You talked about her like she had been around afterward and was bad.”

“No, I was referring to the before… even before you guys were taken… she still had problems… I think your father was doing stuff to her, even then… And when you came back, you were so much like her… rebelling… violent… cold…”

Maybe that’s because you’re her.

“But it all changed after the accident. You were you. And I thought…. Well, I just hoped, I guess that things would be different.” She starts to cry, her head falling forward as she mutters, “I’m going to make sure we get you some help—I won’t let this ruin you even more. You’ve had such a traumatic life.”

What she’s saying about Lily, it’s not sitting well, emotions stirring inside me almost violently—I have to ask. “The fire at the cabin… the one that my father and Lily and… Evan died in… did they find all there bodies?”

My mother nods, grabbing a Kleenex from a box by my bedside and dabbing her eyes. “There were three… bodies…” Tears pool her eyes again and she’s about to lose it.

I, however, am calm as a revelation sinks into me. I feel myself changing into someone else, someone I’ve been before.

After my mother stops crying, she gets up and places a kiss my cheek. “I have some paperwork to fill out, but I’ll come back and check on you in a little bit.”

As she walks out of the room, shutting the door behind her, I reflect on what happened. Even if I wasn’t a killer before, I am now. I killed Bella. Pulled the trigger. Blood is now on my hands and maybe the stench of gasoline too. The thoughts that haunted me have become real—Lily is real—and for some reason I don’t feel frightened about it.

I listen to my heart beating on the monitor, the sound not quite matching the rhythm in my chest. It’s steady, less afraid, carries more strength, as if I’m someone else now.