CHAPTER 18. They are not subject to sore Sicknesses, but dwindle and decay at a certain Period Some say their continual Sadness is because of their pendulous state.

They are not subject to sore Sicknesses, but dwindle and decay at a certain Period…Some say their continual Sadness is because of their pendulous state.

—The Secret Commonwealth by Robert Kirk and Andrew Lang (1893)

Early the next morning, Donia awakened on the floor, Sasha's body between her and the door. No one had brought her a message from Keenan. No guards had knocked on her door.

"Has he forsaken me?" she whispered to Sasha.

The wolf laid his ears back and whined.

"When I actually might welcome his presence, he's not here." She wouldn't weep, though, not for him. She'd done enough of that over the years.

She'd expected him to hear of Agatha's death, to come demanding she accept his help. She couldn't, but it would've been easier—safer—than what she'd have to do now.

"Come, Sasha." She opened the door and motioned Evan to her. At least he's here waiting.

The rowan-man joined her, keeping a respectful distance, standing in the withered grass in front of the porch until Donia said, "Come inside."

She didn't wait to see if he'd follow. The idea of inviting one of Keenan's guards into her home—even Evan, whose presence had been steadfast the past few decades— unsettled her.

Gesturing to the seat farthest from her, she asked, "Has Keenan been told about Agatha?"

"He was out when Skelley arrived at the loft. One of the others went to the faire to find him." Evan cleared his throat, but his stare was bold. "He was preoccupied with the new queen."

She nodded. So it's truly her. Beira would be furious, a force to fear.

It'd been so long since Donia had much to truly fear. Between Keenan and Beira, she was cosseted, safer than most any fey or mortal.

"I'd ask that you allow a few guards closer." Evan dropped to his knees, showing a respect his kind rarely offered any fey other than Keenan. "Let me stay here with you."

"Fine," she murmured, ignoring both his brief look of shock and her irritation at it. I can be reasonable. Then she said the words she'd never said to any of Keenan's guards: "Tell Keenan I need him to come. Now." It didn't take long for Skelley to summon Keenan—not long enough for Donia to prepare for the pain of seeing him in her home. When Evan led Keenan in, she stayed in her rocking chair—curled into herself, arms folded tightly over her chest, feet tucked up beneath her.

Before Evan had closed the door behind him—returning to the guards outside—Keenan was across the room, standing beside her.

Sasha moved closer, pressing his body against her, trying to soothe her. Donia absently petted his head.

She glanced at Keenan and said, "I wasn't sure you'd come."

In a strange mimicry of Sasha's position, Keenan dropped to the floor. "I've waited decades for you to want me around, Don, begged to be in your presence."

"That was before her." She felt foolish for it, but as much as she wanted Aislinn to take up the staff, she was jealous. Aislinn was the one; she'd spend eternity with Keenan.

"Things are different now." Donia tried to keep all of her emotions out of her voice, but she failed.

"I'll always come when you want me. How many times have I told you that?" he whispered, his words carrying that warm breath of summer. "That won't change. Ever."

She reached out, putting her hand over his lips before he could say anything else. A thin layer of frost formed where she touched him, but he didn't complain.

He never does.

She didn't pull away, although his breath burned her. "I heard the news from the faire, that she's the one."

When Evan had told her, she'd almost wept, imagining eternity in this pain, alone, watching them dance and laugh. Unless Beira kills me.

"Don …" His lips moved against her fingers, gentle even as they hurt her—just like the words he'd say if she didn't stop him.

When there were no witnesses, he'd let himself be the person he'd been before she knew he was a king—the person she fell in love with. It was why she avoided being alone with him.

"No," she said, not wanting the gentle side of him, not now. Today she needed him to be the Summer King, to set aside the person he could be without the crown. She needed him to be arrogant and assured, able to do what needed doing.

Steam rose against her hand as he exhaled, the breath of summer melting her frost. Sometimes, in secret dreams she'd never tell him, she wondered what would happen if her frost and his sun truly clashed, if they touched as they had in those few weeks before she became the Winter Girl, when he was pretending to be a mortal for her. Would she melt away? Burn up?

She shivered—excited at the thought—and felt the cold well up inside her as her emotions raged like a blizzard. If she didn't keep calm, she'd need to let that awful cold out.

"Beira was here last night. You need to know what she's doing."

He nodded, weariness on his face, as she told him almost everything—about Beira's initial visit when Aislinn was chosen, about the attack on Aislinn outside the library, about her belief that the attack was at Beira's behest, about Agatha's death, about Beira's threats, about her insistence that Aislinn not lift the staff.

Donia kept quiet about Seth's research—fearing for the mortal's safety—but beyond that, she was more honest with Keenan than she'd been in a very long time. When she stopped talking, he stared at her, silent and struggling to contain the temper he rarely freed.

She clenched her hands so tightly that icicles formed on the tips of her fingernails. Now comes the hard part.

"Let's go." He looked over at Sasha, then past the wolf to the tiny mementos handed down by the other Winter Girls. "The guards will bring your things. We can turn the study into a private chamber and—"

"Keenan," she interrupted before she could be tempted.

He'd see the logic of what needed to be done if he thought clearly; she needed to assure that he did so. She opened her hand. Icicles fell and shattered at her feet. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You can't stay here. If something happened to you"— he bowed his head, letting his forehead rest on her knee— "please, Don, come with me."

Where is the Summer King? But it wasn't the king who laid his head in her lap, pleading.

She didn't move away. It burned her, froze him, but she stayed still. "I can't come with you. It's not my place. I'm not the one you're looking for."

He looked up at her, an ugly frostbitten bruise forming where his skin had touched her knee. "I'm not strong enough to stop her, but I will be soon. Stay with me until we get this sorted out."

"And what would she do to me when I left?"

"I'll be strong soon." He was almost frightening in his insistence. His eyes darkened to that unearthly green hue she still dreamed of; if she stared long enough, she'd see flowers blooming there, a promise of what he could become once his queen freed him.

She couldn't look away.

He whispered, "Stay with me. I'll keep you safe."

"You can't." She wished he could, but it was impossible: there was no winning, not for her. "I want you to win. I always have, but I still have to try to convince Aislinn not to believe in you, that you're not worth the risk. Those are the rules. I gave my word when I lifted the staff. We both did."

He put a hand on either side of her, his fingertips burning her skin through her clothes. "Even if it means Beira wins? Even if she kills you? We can work together, find a way."

She shook her head. For all his centuries—far more than she'd ever see—he could still be so reckless. It usually infuriated her. Today she found it saddening. "If she wins, she won't kill me. It's only if you win that I'll die."

"Then why tell me? I need to win." He looked awful, pale and sickly like he'd been skewered by iron spikes. He moved farther away from her—crouched on the floor, head bowed—where they couldn't touch. He sounded as broken as he looked. "If you stop Aislinn, I lose everything. If you don't, you die. What am I to do?"

"Hope I lose," she suggested softly. No.

She stood up and walked over to him. "I'm terrified of Beira, but I truly do hope that Ash is the one. For both of your sakes."

"You'll still be a shade. That doesn't fix anything."

Where is the Summer King? She sighed as she watched him struggle between what he wanted and the inevitable. Not all dreams come true. If it'd make things easier, she'd be cruel. It wouldn't help, though.

She leaned over him, holding her hair back so it didn't fall against him. "It fixes a lot of things."

"It …"

"Make me lose, Keenan. Convince her you're worth the risk"—she kissed his cheek—"because you are." It was easier to say it, knowing Beira would kill her, knowing she wouldn't spend eternity with him knowing she still loved him. I cant…

She put her hand over his mouth. "Convince her."

She pulled her hand away and—lips firmly closed to keep the icy air from his mouth—kissed him. "Then kill Beira."