Early for Lunch

Mr Alien: Hello, Lily. You're looking lovely today.

Waitress: Hello, Mr Alien. You're early for lunch. It's only eleven o'clock.

Mr Alien: When I come later there's usually nothing left.

Wa i tr e s s: What would you like?

Mr Alien: Leg of lamb, please.

Waitress: And would you like a plate of salad? It's lettuce with black olives.

Mr Alien: Marvellous! I love olives.

Waitress: And would you like a glass of lemonade?

Mr Alien: Yes please, Lily. And a slice of melon and some yellow jelly.

2. A Spoilt Little Boy ina Bicycle Shop

Paul: What a beautiful bicycle!

Uncle Bill: Paul! Be careful!

Salesman: Excuse me, sir. This child is too small to ride this bicycle. It's a very difficult bicycle to...

Uncle В i 11: Be careful, Paul!

Paul: You always tell me to be careful. Don't help me. I won't fall.

Salesman: But, sir. This is a very special bicycle. It's... Paul: Don't pull the bicycle, Uncle Bill. I'll do it myself.

Uncle В i 11: Be sensible, Paul. This gentleman says it's, a... (Paul falls)

P a u 1: It was Uncle Bill's fault. He was holding the bicycle.

A Proud Parent

Mrs Randal: Are" all the children grown up now, Ruth?

Mrs R e e d: Oh yes. Laura is the cleverest one. She's a librarian in the public library.

Mrs Randal: Very interesting. And what about Rita?

Mrs Reed: She's a secretary at the railway station.

Mrs Randal: And what about Rosemary? She was always a very pretty child.

Mrs Reed: Rosemary is a waitress in a restaurant in Paris. She's married to an electrician.

Mrs Randal: And what about Jerry and Roland?

Mrs Reed: Jerry drives a lorry. He drives everywhere in Europe.

Mrs Randal: Really? Which countries does he drive to?

Mrs Reed: France and Austria and Greece and Russia.

Mrs Randal: And does Roland drive a lorry too?

Mrs Reed: Oh, no. Roland is a pilot.

Mrs Randal: Really? Which countries does he fly to?

Mrs Reed: Australia and America.

A Lovely Little lion

Billy: I love wild life in its natural element. Look at all your lovely animals, Lucy. Lots and lots.

Lucy: Eleven, actually.

Billy: And look! Here's a lovely little lion — a real live black lion asleep on the lawn.

Lucy: That's a leopard, actually.

Billy: I don't believe it! Leopards are yellow. Look, Lucy, he's laughing! Do animals understand the English language?

Lucy: Leave him alone, Billy. He's licking his lips.

Billy: Would you like a lettuce leaf, little lion?

Lucy: Billy, be careful — Oh Lord!

Billy: Let go! Help, Lucy, he's got my leg!

Lucy: Actually, that's how I lost my left leg. You wouldn't listen, you silly fool. Well, let's limp over and look at the gorillas.