Chapter 36

Maddie

“He’s not real,” Lily says to me from across the room. “Just your imagination.”

“Then how do you know what I’m seeing?” I ask in horror, my wobbly legs about to give out on me. Deep down, I know he can’t possibly real, but he looks so real and feels so real and he’s making me feel so unstable like he used to.

“Because I understand you,” Lily says simply. “And how remembering back—remembering what he did and used to call you—brings him back.”

River and Bella are staring at me like I’m the one that’s the crazy person in the room. But my father smiles, then reaches for Lily’s throat and she seems completely oblivious to it.

I rush forward, the gun targeted steadily at my father. “Get away from her,” I demand, unsure why I’m protecting her.

“Maddie, stop,” Lily says calmly. “Put the gun down. It’s just another one of your hallucinations, probably because Bella called you a whore—it’s kind of a trigger for you.”

“I know but…” I shake my head, my hand shaking so bad and my teeth chattering. “No he’s there... I can see him… feel him in my skin.”

Lily tracks my gaze to the side of her then looks back at me. “Maddie, there’s no one there.”

You’re a whore!

“Do you remember?” My father asks, strolling in front of Lily and blocking her from my view. He’s shorter than I remember but then again I’m older and taller, still when he closes in on me, I feel small. “What I did to you?”

I do. How he raped me all the time. Hurt me. How I would pretend to be someone else. My sister. Who was stronger. Who seemed to handle it better than I did. She didn’t cry. Always did what he wanted.

“You’re the one who’s been… who’s been messing with my mind.” I finally manage to speak again. “You made me think I was going crazy… that I was a killer…. You’re real… still alive.”

“Only in you, Maddie.” Lily’s voice tries to push through my fear.

“And it was so easy,” he says with a grin, so close to me that I could reach out and touch him. “You were always the weak one. Every time I tried to teach you right and wrong, you fought me.”

Make him pay, Lily whispers. Shoot him!

“Get her to stop,” Bella says and when she looks at me, River comes up from behind her, ready to tackle her, but she swings back around. “This isn’t how this was supposed to go down. I’m supposed to get the last say.”

I shake my head at my father. “Not this time. This time I’m the strong one.”

“Maddie, snap out of it.” Lily steps in front of him, her hands still up to her side, the scent of fire swirling around me, even though there’s no flames. “He’s not really there—you’re just seeing things. And it’s time to let him go and come back to me.”

“But you’re just as bad as him!” I scream, my hand shaking so bad I nearly drop the gun.

My dad smiles from behind Lily. “Always so unstable.”

“I’ll kill you,” I say. Do it, Maddie. Make him pay. “I’ll fucking kill you.”

“What good is it going to do to kill me?” he says with a shrug. “They’d still be here. All of them and they all hurt you in one way or another, just like me.” He pauses, musing over something. “I think you need to make them pay for their badness, for what they did to you. It’s about time you did what you were taught to do.”

As if I’ve lost control over my body, I move the gun around to River, then to Bella, and conclusively to my father. Lily is still standing in front of him, her eyes on me, watching me unravel into insanity right before her.

“Don’t even think about it,” Bella says. “This is my moment, not yours.”

Pull the trigger.

“Pull the trigger, Maddie,” my father says as Bella and River continue to argue, River looking like he’s about to faint. “Just do it.”

I cock the gun, noticing that Lily is about to drop the lighter and Bella’s shoved the barrel of the gun in Lily’s direction. And River, well he’s moving for her helplessly, unsure if he has the courage to take her down while she’s armed.

“Maddie, please don’t.” I’m not even sure who says it anymore.

I close my eyes and swing the gun around then fire.