For Bad Weather

'Nasty day, isn't it?'

'Isn't it dreadful?'

'The rain... I hate rain...'

'I don't like it at all. Do you?'

'Fancy such a day in July. Rain in the morning, then a bit of sunshine, and then rain, rain, rain, all day long.'

'I remember exactly the same July day in 1936.' .

'Yes, I remember too.'

'Or was it in 1928?'

'Yes, it was.'

'Or in 1939?'

'Yes, that's right.'

Now observe the last few sentences of this conversation. A very important rule emerges from it. You must never contradict anybody when discussing the weather. Should it hail or snow, should hurricanes uproot the trees from the sides of the road, and should some­one remark to you: 'Nice day, isn't it?' — answer without hesita­tion: 'Isn't it lovely?'

Learn the above conversations by heart. If you, are a bit slow in picking things up, learn at least one conversation, it would do won­derfully for any occasion.

If you do not say anything else for the rest of your life, just re­peat this conversation, you will still have a fair chance of passing as a remarkably witty man of sharp intellect, keen observation and ex­tremely pleasant manners.

English society is a class society, strictly organized almost on corporative lines. If you doubt this, listen to the weather forecasts. There is always a different weather forecast for farmers. You often hear statements like this on the radio:

'Tomorrow it will be cold, cloudy and foggy; long periods of rain will be interrupted by short periods of showers.'

And then:

'Weather forecast for farmers. It will be fair and warm, many hours of sunshine.'

You must not forget that the farmers do grand work of national importance and deserve better weather.

It happened on innumerable occasions that nice, warm weather had been forecast and rain and snow fell all day long, or vice versa. Some people jumped rashly to the conclusion that something must be wrong with the weather forecasts. They are mistaken and should be more careftil with their allegations.

I have read an article in one of the Sunday papers and now I can tell you what the situation really is. All troubles are caused by anti­cyclones. (I don't quite know what anticyclones are, but this is not important; I hate cyclones and am very anti-cyclone myself.) The two naughtiest anti-cyclones are the Azores and the Polar anti­cyclones.

The British meteorologists forecast the right weather — as it really should be — and then these impertinent little anti-cyclones interfere and mess up everything.

That again proves that if the British kept to themselves and did not mix with foreign things like Polar and Azores anti-cyclones they would be much better off.

(Story by G.Mikes)

I. Discussion points.

1. What topics besides the weather are most important in Russia?

2. What other conversational formulas would you recommend to leam by heart in order to look a person of sharp intel­lect?

3. What other groups of population besides fanners deserve better weather?

4. What else interferes with the right forecasting except anti­cyclones?

5. What would you prescribe to the Russians to be much bet­ter off?

II. Choose the most unexpected answer and think of an unexpected prize for it.

Poem