By Art Buchwald

[John and his wife are at home. John is reading a newspaper. Ann is knitting]

John: (reads from "the newspaper) "The Canadian authorities refused to allow 80 wooden crates painted by the American pop artist Andy Warhol to go through customs as works of art. They said the crates didn't lock like works of art but like cartons of soap, apple juice and corn flakes and were subject to 4000 dollars duty as merchandise."

Ann: Pop art is something I can't understand, though a lot of people in America seem to like it.

J: They only pretend to like it. Most of them don't understand anything about it. But they are ashamed to admit their ignorance.

A: By the way, you have to go to the supermarket to buy some groceries if you want your dinner tonight.

J: O.K. What do you want me to buy?

A: Get some pork and beans, a bottle of catsup, some crackers, a can of peaches, and a cheesecake.

J: Just a moment, I'll take a piece of paper and put it down. So what do you want me to buy? Say it again. I'm writing it down.

A: Pork and beans, a bottle of catsup, some crackers, a can of peaches and a cheesecake. That's all.

(John had bought the products and on the way home from the supermarket he dropped in at an art gallery where they were holding a pop art exhibition. Everything was so strange there! The carton of groceries got heavy, so John left them on the floor. He locked around, came to a pile of crates and looked at them)

John: (to a woman who is standing near by) What's this?

Woman: (locking into the catalogue) Let me see... This is number 8. Yes... Number 8 is a famous sculpture by the famous American artist Andy Warhol.

J: Really? Well, I never!..

W: How wonderful! How original! A famous sculpture by Andy Warhol!

J: Well, I declare! That's amazing!

(John was so shocked by what he saw there that he left the gallery without his shopping bag of groceries. When he got home he remembered that he had left the groceries in the gallery and he rushed back. But he was too late. The groceries had been awarded the first prize in the show)

***

(John enters the exhibition hall again. He sees his shopping bag and wants to take it. The owner of the gallery comes up to him.)

Owner: Here you are at last! We have been looking all over for you! Why didn't you sign your work of art?

John: It's not a work of art. It's my dinner for tonight.

0: (laughs) He's not only a great sculpture, but he has a sense of humour as well.

Man: You can see that in his work. Notice how the bottle of catsup is leaning against the can of pork and beans! WOMAN: It's pure genius! Notice the way the can of peaches is lying on its side! Even Warhol wouldn't have gone that far!

M: I think the thing that really won the prize for him was the manner in which he crushed the cheese-cake on the bottom of the bag. It makes Picasso look sick.

J: Look, I'm very grateful for all these honours, but my wife is waiting for this stuff and I have to get it home.

0: Get it home? I've just sold it to that couple over there for 1500 dollars!

J: The groceries cost me only 18 dollars.

0: It's not the groceries. It’s what you did with them. You have managed to put more meaning into your creation that Rodin put into "The Thinker". You have said with this bag of groceries, in с evening, what Rembrandt tried to say in 1000 paintings... Here is your check for 1500 dollars!

J: Thank you very much...

(John accepted the check and that night he took his wife out to dinner. The next day he went to the supermarket and bought another bag of groceries, much more expensive. He immediately took the bag to the gallery. But some leading Washington's critics said that success had gone to his head and his famous touch was gone and all that was left was a bag of tasteless groceries.)