You will pay for this, bitch! 7 страница

“You hurt me earlier. I keep letting myself fall harder for you each time. The thing is, when I do that and you push me away, it hurts worse.” He shook his head. “All I can tell you is that no matter how many times I’ve tried to not love you, it’s never happened. So you can push me away. You can tell me you don’t want to be with me, but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stalk you if I have to.”

I giggled. “I told you where I hide the house key. You’ve been invited in.”

“Good because I was planning on having a copy made in the morning.”

“Promise?”

He looked right at me and smiled. “Yes, I promise.”

It was the reassurance that I needed. Things certainly weren’t worked out for either of us, but at least we knew that neither of us was giving up.

I closed my eyes, feeling comfortable against his body. Falling asleep was easy, even after he started to snore.

His alarm on his phone woke us both up and I realized that we’d slept the entire time. Brooks slid off the couch and covered me back up with a blanket. He kissed my forehead. “I need to go to work.”

I grabbed his hand as he started to walk away. “Will you be back later?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve got a hard day ahead of you. Are you sure that’s what you want?”

I nodded.

He let out an air-filled laugh and scratched his head. “Woman, you’re so confusing.”

“Please?”

He leaned over and kissed me again. “I’ll see you later. I love you. Give B a kiss and tell her I’ll be here after work.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life. No matter what happens, you’re always there to protect me. Sometimes I think my parents made you that way, like they somehow connected us so I’d never be alone.”

“I hate to break it to you, but I loved you way before they died and I promise that they didn’t put any spells on me. It happened because I wanted it to. There’s no other reason that I want to be there for you. No one makes me do it. I do it because it makes me happy. It makes me feel close to you, even when you’re not paying attention.”

He winked at me before walking out of the room.

I watched him go out the door before I closed my eyes again. Brooks hadn’t left me like I’d thought. He’d come back just in case I needed him, in which I did. I would always need him and knowing that made me more determined to get through whatever was happening with me.

Chapter 55

B woke me up a few hours after Brooks had gone to work. She came running up to the couch and started poking at my face. “Mama, get up.”

I sat up before I remembered that my body was still in a bit of pain. The first thing I noticed was that my head was pounding. I scooted my feet to the floor and grabbed the sides of the couch to pull myself up. B watched and waited for me to go into the kitchen.

I had no idea that Danica would be sitting in there already waiting for me. “Good morning, Katy.”

I smiled and looked down at the floor, unable to hold my emotions in at all. “Good morning.”

“Did Brooks get off to work okay?”

She knew he’d been there the whole time and had probably heard our entire conversation. “Yeah. He said he’d be back when he gets off.”

I put my coffee cup under the instant maker and pushed the button before I could turn and look at her. She came over and waited for me to be finished making it before she carried it over to the table. After making B some oatmeal, she joined me back at the table. “I was wondering if you’d like us to come along today when you visit your friends?”

I shrugged and traced the outside edge of the coffee cup. “I don’t know. The truth is I don’t even think we’re friends anymore. Sarah made it clear that she wants nothing to do with someone that runs away from her marriage. They weren’t even on my side when he used to hit me. I’d just assume to not contact them after all this is over.”

“I’ll keep B here and get some more cleaning done.”

I reached for her hand. “Danica, you don’t have to do that. I’ll call a company to come out and clean and then another to start doing repairs.”

“If you fill out a police report your insurance would cover the damage.”

I smiled and thought of Bobby. “No. This was his way of punishing me. I don’t want to put a claim in so soon after moving in. It will only hurt my premiums. I’ll deal with it. Mostly it’s cosmetic. We can fix the walls and replace the carpet. I can buy new furniture and curtains.”

Danica squeezed my hand. “I hate that this has happened to you.”

I looked over at B, who had no idea what was happening. Not only had she never mentioned or looked for Bobby, but even after hearing other people talk about him, she seemed unfazed. “I’m just glad she’s too young to know what’s going on. He was good to her, even when he wasn’t to me. He really loved her.” I started to tear up. “It really breaks my heart.”

She scooted her chair closer to me and pulled me into her arms. I couldn’t stand crying in front of my daughter and lately she’d seen too much of it. I grabbed the remote off the table and turned on the small kitchen television for her to be occupied with. When she saw the cartoons it was as if she were alone in the room.

“You’re going to get through this, Katy. I’ll stay here as long as you want me to.”

I shook my head. “You don’t have to. I know I’ve only brought you disappointment. I could never expect you to forgive me.”

“I’m no saint. None of us are, I suppose. I won’t abandon you just because you made some poor choices. We’re family, you know that.”

I closed my eyes, imagining my life without them in it. I’d gone for too long feeling like I had nobody. All the while, they’d been there waiting for me to come home. “Thank you. I appreciate that. Sometimes I just wish I had my parents here with me, especially when I slept with Brooks the night before the wedding. I felt so awful and so in love at the same time. The conflict that I was having with myself sent me over the edge. I had to run, because I couldn’t face any of you. Besides, I knew Brooks was leaving and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.”

Danica looked away, which I thought was weird. “I miss your parents, too. I think about them every day.”

“I guess things happen for a reason. They picked the right people to raise me at least.”

Danica started to cry and I felt sad that bringing up my parents hurt her so much. They’d been friends for so long.

Finally she calmed down and since it was getting late in the morning, I needed to get moving. I had a lot of things to do to make arrangements for Bobby’s service. After crutching my way into my half-charred bedroom, I closed the door and got situated on the bed with the phone in my hand. I called church first, hoping they would be able to do a memorial without a bunch of drama.

When all was agreed upon and I received way too many condolences, I called to order flowers and double checked with the funeral home that Bobby’s body was being delivered the next day. His family had little money and his life insurance would only pay for a regular funeral. I wanted it to be special, as sort of a final plea for his forgiveness, so I paid for it to be as beautiful as possible. I ordered him a nice headstone that stated ‘Loving Father’. It was difficult, knowing that I’d been the reason for his death, and yet I was planning to have him put into the ground. I felt evil, as if everyone around me would accuse me of wanting him dead.

As much as I wished things would have been different, I never wanted to hurt him like I had. Not only had I ripped apart his heart, but I’d also caused his death. I felt wretched inside, like I wasn’t worth the love that I was receiving.

They couldn’t understand what it felt like knowing that I’d swung that bottle at his head and knocked him unconscious. They weren’t hearing the sound I heard when it made contact with his jaw. They didn’t see his eyes when he barely opened them moments later.

Over and over it was all I saw and I couldn’t get it out of my head.

Then there was Brooks; committed to us no matter what I decided, or how long it took me to come to grips with my actions.

Having so much on my mind did nothing for the pounding headache I’d woken up with and I knew I couldn’t drive anywhere without it being complicated.

I was going to have to ask Danica to take me and I didn’t want to, so I dialed Sarah’s number and took a deep breath, knowing I was taking the cowardly approach to telling them that their best friend was gone.

“Hello?”

“Sarah, it’s me, Katy. I’ve got some bad news.”

She started crying immediately. “Bobby’s cousin saw Dave last night at the gas station. We heard about the accident.”

“I wanted to come tell you in person, but I can’t get around easily. I’m so sorry, Sarah. I know you both loved him very much.”

The line got quiet and I didn’t hear her sniffles anymore. “And what about you, Katy? Did you ever love that man at all? What was he in Washington, D.C. for in the first place?”

I stared at the charred ceiling and started to cry. “He was furious with me for serving him papers. Sarah, you might not believe this, but he was going to hurt me again.”

“Bullshit!” I’d never heard her use profanity, which could only mean she was irate with me. “That man loved you more that his own life. How dare you sit there on that pedestal and act like he wasn’t a fine person. He gave you everything and he died because of it. I hope you’re happy with yourself, when you’re walking around town with your soldier boyfriend. Just know that when you feel like people are talking about you, they will be.”

“Sarah, I’ve never lied to you. I swear.”

“Save it. I don’t want any more of your excuses. You don’t know how hard it’s been to live with knowing that I brought you into our lives. You ruin everything you touch, Katy. I should have left you at that store and kept driving.”

I was crying so hard that Danica had come running to the room. The phone was still in my hand, but the line had gone dead. Sarah, my only friend that I’d relied on since arriving in town, not only hated me, but wished she’d never met me.

Danica held me and let me cry. She didn’t ask questions, or try to talk to me. There wasn’t a way that I could even express my feelings any other way. I felt like I wanted to die myself. I’d taken away a man that my town considered the ideal person. They’d never know what he was like behind closed doors. They’d never understand that I’d tried to be good to him, even after so much pain.

Finally, she climbed off of the box spring and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

When the phone started ringing, I jumped. Thinking it was Sarah or maybe even Dave, calling me to give me another bout of verbal torture, I answered as calm as possible. “Hello?”

“You’re crying? What’s wrong?” Hearing his voice made me cry harder. There he was calling me at that exact moment where I felt so helpless.

“I just got off the phone with Sarah.”

“That bad?”

“Well, they all loved him. They could never believe the things that I said he did, and of course, I got blamed for everything that happened, including him coming to D.C. and losing his life. She even said that the whole town was going to hate me and I needed to prepare myself for it.” I started to sob so loudly that I couldn’t hear him talking.

“Kat, listen to me. You’ve got to calm down.”

Finally, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Sorry.”

“We’re going to get through these next couple of days. Mom and I will be by your side the whole time. I don’t give a shit what those people think of you. I know the real Katy; the one that cares about other people and leaves her life and everything behind because she’s disappointed them. I know the girl that lost her parents and somehow grew up to be an amazing mother. And last but never least, I know the woman that loves someone with her whole heart, no matter how far away they might be. Please, try to calm down. I’ll be there around four. I’ve got to stop and do something first.”

“Brooks?”

“Yeah?”

I sniffled and tried to think of what to say to him, because thank you was never going to be enough. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do. Go take a hot bath. Close your eyes and think about B’s smile. Think about how happy she is when you walk into the room. Think of things that make you happy. Just try to relax.”

“I’ll think about you, Brooks.”

He laughed and I knew he was smiling. “Without clothes. That always seems to change my mood.”

I snickered through another wave of tears. “I’ll try that.”

“That’s my girl. I’ll see you in a bit.”

I held the phone up to my chest and was able to finally calm down. It was obvious that I was fighting a losing battle with my heart. I was going to have to stop disputing it, because more than ever, I needed Brooks. I just had to figure out how to get past the demons in my head that was torturing the part of me that needed closure.

That was a battle that I wasn’t sure how to overcome.

Chapter 56

Since I’d decided to do everything over the phone and not leave my house, I was determined to get things as cleaned up as I could.

Bobby’s family and friends were going to handle everything at the church being that I was no longer a welcome part of the congregation. I’d like to think that it didn’t hurt me, but it would have been a lie. Not only was I hurting, but I was sad for my daughter, whether she even remembered all of them or not. I hated that people were only judged from the outside. Though I may not have been the best to Bobby, I did try to make him happy. When the abuse began, I did everything for him.

I had to keep reminding myself that Bobby’s alcohol addiction wasn’t directly due to Brooks. For a while there he’d even thought Brooks was dead. I don’t know how much more someone could be out of the picture than that.

Danica was a blessing to have around, always keeping B occupied in and outside, while I hobbled around, trying to put my house back in order. She’d done most of the scrubbing and picking up the little pieces, so I wouldn’t have to.

I didn’t even realize how late it was until I heard a vehicle coming down the driveway. It was too difficult to make my way over to the window, so I sat there in my chair waiting for him to come inside.

I knew it was Brooks, because he never let me down. I just didn’t know he’d been coming with gifts.

He walked through the door with both hands full of bags. “Hey. Now, before you freak out I just want to say that I did my best picking out something you’d like. If it’s no good, we’ll take it all back and pick out something else.”

He sat the bags down on the coffee table and leaned over to kiss me. “You didn’t have to buy me anything.”

He started walking back outside, but turned around to answer. “If I’m going to be living here, then I need to pitch in.” He winked before walking outside and I was left sitting there, speechless.

I started pulling things out of the bags, realizing that he’d gone to a store and bought things to replace what had been damaged. The first thing I noticed was how close to the originals he’d gotten. Danica must have been sending him pictures all day long and never telling me.

I started opening the packages that contained new curtains, when he came walking back in with more bags. “I can’t believe you did all this. Did you take off early?”

“No. I ordered it all on the computer and it was ready when I got off. Mom suggested it.”

I laughed, thinking about Danica and her love for shopping. “This is pretty amazing. I can’t believe you did this.”

Brooks sat the next couple of bags down next to me. He ran the back of his hand over my cheek. “I’d do anything to see you smile, Kat. Put your feet up and start opening packages. I’ve got to go back outside and help my buddies with something.”

“Your buddies?”

I had no idea what he was talking about. B and Danica were outside. I could hear them playing near the swing set.

Then I saw the door swing open and two men in fatigues holding one end of a mattress. They nodded when they saw me sitting down and I smiled politely.

In came Brooks with one other guy helping him. The moment I saw him my heart rate increased. The butterflies in my stomach were getting stronger as he made his way with the mattress to our bedroom. I was in awe over him, and the things that he did for me and for us.

In a matter of minutes, they were then carrying the large full-sized throw rug out of the house and bringing in another still wrapped in plastic. I sat there, listening to them talking while moving things around. I knew what they were doing, but I couldn’t believe it. It was just outrageous.

I waited until he saw his friends out before getting up and making my way into the bedroom. Brooks came over and picked me up, carefully laying me on the new mattress. “So, how does it feel? The internet said it’s the most sold bed in America. The rug is even softer than the one we had to throw away. It matches all the new bedding. Mom picked them out based on what you had before.”

I closed my eyes and let my body sink down in the memory foam. It was the utmost comfortable thing I’d ever laid on. I leaned up on my elbow and looked at him. “It’s great, but there’s just one problem.”

He looked concerned, as if he was going to have to return it. “What? Too soft? I know some people like a bed to be firm.”

“No. It’s too comfortable. I don’t see how you’re ever going to get any action, when I fall asleep as soon as my back hits the bed.”

Brooks began to laugh at my comment. He pulled me close against him and looked down at my lips. “Am I allowed to kiss you or are we still waiting?”

I closed my eyes and prepared for his lips to make contact with mine. “Waiting only prolongs the inevitable.”

He kissed me slowly, brushing our lips together and then pulled away. “I don’t think I have to worry about you falling asleep on me. I know ways to keep you alert and ready.” Just as he ran his hands down between my legs, I heard the door open and shut and our daughter’s voice.

We both sat up and prepared for her presence. Danica let her climb up to hug Brooks. “Hey, Daddy will be outside in just a second. I need to talk to Mommy about something first. Go on with Mom mom and I’ll meet you there.”

She hopped down and went running back outside. Danica smiled at him as if she knew a secret that I didn’t. I felt overwhelmed for a second, thinking that he was getting ready to, of all times, ask me to marry him.

I pulled away and must have gotten a shocked look on my face. “What’s wrong with you?”

I put my hands up in front of me. “Don’t you dare do it. I need time, Brooks. I can’t just spit on a grave that hasn’t even been dug yet.”

I watched his face change, and as he realized what I’d been thinking, I discovered that my assumption had been way off.

I felt so stupid.

He shook his head. “Look, now I get that you’re worried I’m going to push you, but I won’t push for that. Kat, I will wedge myself so far into your life that you won’t be able to get rid of me, but I wasn’t going to ask you what you think I was. In fact, I wasn’t going to ask you anything.”

“Sorry.” I was completely embarrassed. “What was it?”

“While you were in the hospital I had my appointment with the medical board. It seems that my injuries are more severe than I thought. They’re going to have to do surgery, and they’re not real sure that he can fix the damage.”

I looked down at the scars on his arm; the scars that saved that young child. My finger traced over them. “What does that mean?”

“Well, depending on a few factors, I may not be able to stay on active duty. I know I can’t pass a normal physical evaluation. Without feeling in my hand and arm, I can’t operate the machinery that I was trained to use.”

“You said it didn’t bother you.”

He began to laugh. “It doesn’t. For the most part, I can’t feel much of anything. I just assumed that it was alright. But I can tell that sometimes I lose the feeling and control over it.”

I put my hand over my mouth. “Jesus, you picked me up before. You just carried a mattress. What were you thinking?”

He shrugged again and reached over to touch my lips. “I was thinking that I’d waited my whole life to be with you and hold a child that we shared together. When the opportunity was in front of me, I couldn’t refuse it.”

I felt terrible and couldn’t look at him in the face. “So, it’s our fault you may not be able to work?”

He pulled me back toward him and my body fell over his. “Even if it was, I wouldn’t be mad. I’ve got plans for us, Kat, and they don’t involve the military. Getting out wouldn’t be that bad. I could get a job and we’d be fine.”

“I still can’t believe that you want to be with me. So much has happened. If you were smart, you would have forgotten about me a long time ago.”

He patted me on the back. “We’re a family. I’ve doubted myself for many reasons in my life, but deciding to love you was never something I ever considered giving up. That probably makes me a fool. I really don’t care what anyone thinks about it. We can be something beautiful together and that’s all I need to know.”

I lightly smacked his chest. “Stop doing that.”

“What?” He acted like he didn’t know.

“Making me love you even more.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Then he went right into another topic. “I’ve got some paint outside. I’m going to need to paint the ceiling before we can get the sheets on the bed. I bought you the nice thick ones like we had growing up.”

I rolled over, slowly, taking my time so I didn’t hurt too much. “I guess I’ll just lay here and watch.”

He sat up and kissed me on my nose. “Sounds good to me.” Brooks stood up and before walking out of the room, he turned around and looked at me. “So, did you get everything taken care of today?”

I leaned up on both elbows. “For the most part. The church is basically taking over and everyone pretty much made it clear that I wasn’t going to be welcome. They all think I’m a terrible person. I know you don’t see it, but maybe they’re all right. How else could I feel so happy to start over with you, in the midst of a tragedy?”

Brooks walked over to the bed and kneeled in front of me. “Kat, you’re human and you’re coping. If I wasn’t here life would be different, but I can’t let what’s happened come between us. I won’t. Only you and Bobby know what happened in that truck. You can blame yourself for the rest of your life, if that will help you cope. The fact is that, he forced you into that vehicle, after breaking a protective order and hunting you down, with every intention of harming you, or maybe even worse. Wake up and see what I see, because nowhere does it say that defending yourself can be construed as murder. You were trying to survive in a dire situation, one where your life felt threatened. If they can’t understand that, then screw them. They weren’t your real friends anyway.”

He patted on my leg before standing up and walking out of the room.

After I knew he’d gone outside, I looked down at the mattress and the new rug. He was going to have to cover the whole room in plastic while he repaired the black mark from the flames. It was a good thing that ceiling paint was easy to come by.

Brooks entered the room with a bunch of trash bags that he started spreading out over the floor, and once I got up, the bed as well. He opened a can of primer and held it and a paintbrush as he climbed onto the bed. “I need to seal the spot. I checked earlier and it didn’t go through. He must have put out the flames as soon as they started to get high. One coat of this primer and couple coats of the paint should do the trick. If you hate it, I’ll rip out the drywall and replace the whole area.”

“You know how to do all that?”

“Do you think I just wear this uniform and walk around all day looking sexy?” he kept preparing while he spoke.

I laughed at him. “Of course not. I just didn’t think they taught you stuff like this.”

“Woman, you’ve got a lot to learn about the things I know.” He bent down and touched the tip of the wet brush to my nose.

I reached over and ran my hands up his camouflage t-shirt. “I’m a more hands on kind of learner.”

He sat the paint can down on the nightstand and hovered over my body. “Let’s get started then.”

Even though I was aware of everything going on in my life, taking a reprieve from it all was exactly what I needed.

Chapter 57

The funeral service for Bobby didn’t take place until five days later, being that his body had to be transported and then prepared. They assured me that we’d be able to have an open casket and that his head injury wouldn’t be noticeable.

My worry increased as the days got closer, and while my house was finally getting back to looking new again, I felt like my life was a spinning tornado.

Danica continued offering her support and spending every second with her granddaughter. I’d managed to make progress getting around better on my own and insisted on attending the service by myself.

Although Brooks had been staying at my house, and even sleeping next to me in my new bed, we weren’t exactly talking about our future. He knew I needed time to sort my problems out before I could focus on our relationship.

So I did what every person does on the day of a funeral. I put on a little eye makeup, wore a black dress and grabbed my sunglasses.

My anxiety was through the roof as I pulled into the tiny parking lot at the church and found that it was already full of cars.

Then I spotted Dave, standing outside talking to his father-in-law, the pastor. Both of them stared as I turned off the vehicle and started to climb out.

It took me a good bit to make my way to where they stood. Although I was mobile, my hip still hurt when I went from sitting to walking.

When I got within four feet from Dave, he put his hand up motioning me to stop. “Hold up a minute. Where do you think you’re goin’, Katy?”

“Inside. Where else would I go?”

He shook his head. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Do everyone a favor and just go home. We’re all here to remember our friend, not sit in the same room with the person that ended his life.”

I knew they felt that way, but hearing him say it in front of the pastor, and him saying nothing in my defense, made it all even more bitter. “I have every right to be in there. He was my husband and I loved him.”

“You loved him?” Dave spit on the ground in front of me. “You loved him so much that you had him arrested for a crime he wasn’t capable of doin’. You know that man never laid a hand on you, but yet you had him arrested for it, didn’t ya?”

“You think I inflicted those bruises all of those times on myself?”

“It don’t even matter what I think you’re capable of. If that weren’t bad enough, you took your daughter and ran off with your lover, so he couldn’t even see her. All he wanted to do was work things out with you.”

“No, he wanted to hurt me worse.” I was crying, and begging for him to listen to me. I didn’t make up being beat on and I sure as hell wouldn’t have left town if I didn’t feel like I was in danger.

“Katy, do us all a favor and spare us the drama. Sarah’s so upset because she brought you into Bobby’s life. She doesn’t need to see you here.”

“Please, Dave. Please, just let me pay my respects. I have every right to say goodbye to him. You couldn’t be more wrong about me. I swear, I would never want this for anyone, especially Bobby.”

He looked back at his father-in-law, who took a step toward me. He placed his hand on my shoulder. “Bobby told me things during our sessions. He had his own demons, but I’ve got to be respectful of my daughter. How about we meet later and you can say your goodbye’s then?”

I heard a voice behind me and I didn’t have to turn around to see who it was. “How about you get off that high horse and let the girl through? Isn’t this the Lord’s home where everyone is welcome?”

Dave started to haul ass toward Brooks. I grabbed the back of his jacket and held him back, while Brooks crossed his arms over his chest, not afraid of what was coming. “Get your boyfriend out of here, Katy. My best friend is dead because of you. Leave now, before someone gets hurt.”

Brooks was wearing his Army dress uniform and I’d never known him to look more handsome. At the same time, I was caught in the middle of a war in the church parking lot. While holding onto the back of Dave, I knew I had to do something before our scene became the most remembered moment of my husband’s funeral. “Dave, please. We’ll go. Please just stop this.”

He shoved me with his shoulder as he walked by me and I watched Brooks explode in front of me. He charged full-force at Dave and I watched them both fall to the ground.

I reach down and grabbed Brooks’ arm before he could pound it against Dave’s face. “Please stop. You need to leave, Brooks. Please, just go.”