You will pay for this, bitch! 8 страница

He shoved Dave to the ground before standing up and dusting off his clothes. “I came here for support, because I knew they were going to treat you like shit.”

I touched his hand with mine. “I can handle them without you interfering. Just go before it gets worse.”

He pulled his hand away from me and I saw anger in his eyes. “You know what, I’m sick of trying.”

I wanted to run after him, but had to worry about Dave before I could do anything else. I turned to face him. “I’m going in that church and I’m saying goodbye to my husband. You can spit on me and call me names, but I’m still going. Whatever you think of me, whatever you want to tell people, you’ll never begin to understand how much his death had devastated me. You think I don’t know that he was once a good man? I’m sorry he’s gone, but I never lied about anything, not to him and certainly not to the police.”

I pushed him as I walked by and dared him to put another hand on me. I was going to say goodbye to Bobby and there wasn’t a damn person on the planet that was going to stop me.

I don’t know what I expected, walking in there and seeing a made up version of him lying in that casket. Immediately I was in tears. People moved out of my way and I could hear their whispers. At one point I even heard the word whore. I focused my eyes on Bobby and touched his cold hands. It was hard to see through my glossy eyes. “I just came here to say I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything, Bobby. Please, you’ve got to forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for taking your life away. I wish you never met me, so that you could still be here with your friends and family.”

I sniffled and tried to gain my composure enough to finish. “I know we had some really bad times, but I’m going to remember the good ones. When I think of you, I’m going to see you smiling when you saw B being born. I’m going to think of that first time you held her and how I saw you cry. I’ll remember the love you had for her, and for me. I promise to never forget what you gave up to be my friend and how hard you worked to be a better person. For what it’s worth, they were the reasons that I loved you. I know it means nothing now, but I did love you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t give you more. Please, Bobby, wherever you are, please forgive me. I. Am. So. Sorry.”

I don’t know why I expected someone to put their hand on my back to comfort me. As I turned around, I saw all of their eyes on me. His family turned their heads like I was someone they couldn’t stand to look at. In just days they’d all formed their own opinions about me and my life.

I walked down the aisle slowly, since I couldn’t go any faster. I’d been at low points in my life, but nothing like this. When I opened the door to the outside, I didn’t look back. The further I got away from that church, the more I was able to breathe again.

For a while I sat in my car, consumed with guilt and regret. I could have made better decisions and knowing that was eating me from the inside out.

When I pulled up at the house I noticed that Brooks wasn’t there. My heart ached for the way he’d left me at the church. I’d pissed him off when he was trying to support me. Yet again, I’d screwed up.

Walking into the house and seeing the look on Danica’s face made it all even worse. I placed my purse and keys down and looked around for B.

“Brooks took her out for a bit.”

“Do you know where? Maybe I can change and meet them.”

Danica patted the seat next to her on the couch. “Katy, I think you need to sit down. I’ve got some things I need to say to you.”

I walked slowly, as if I was a young child, preparing to be scorned. I’d hurt her son and she wasn’t going to sit around watching history repeat itself.

I started crying even before she could say anything. I felt her hand grabbing mine and I looked up at her face. She was crying. “Katy, you can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what? I’m trying to put my life together and everything keeps getting so messed up. Everything I touch gets misconstrued and turns to shit. I should have just ended my life years ago when everything went awry. I could have saved all of you so much frustration and pain.”

“Stop it, Katy. Don’t you ever say that to me or anyone else. Something like that solves nothing. Do you honestly think that Brooks would be better if you were gone forever? How did you feel when you thought he’d died?”

I cried harder. “I felt empty, like I couldn’t go on.”

She grabbed my chin and forced me to look at her. “Don’t you ever let me hear you say that again. You’re a mother and like a daughter to me. My sons both care deeply for you and so does Walt. No matter what this world thinks, or how you feel about yourself, you are loved. You always have been and you always will be.”

“I’m sorry. I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. I make the worst decisions and ruin people’s lives.”

“Everyone makes mistakes. We’re human.”

I shook my head. “You’ve been perfect for my whole life. That’s easy for you to say.”

She took a deep breath and started crying herself. Brooks and B came walking in the door as she spoke. “You couldn’t be more wrong, Katy. That’s why I think it’s time you knew the truth.” She looked up at Brooks. “It’s time I told you both the truth, because I can’t sit here and watch you two fall apart, when you’ve got a real chance at happiness.”

I had no idea what she was talking about and from the look on Brooks’ face, neither did he. He crouched down and whispered in B’s ear. She went running into her bedroom.

Our eyes met and I felt his pain. I felt every emotion that I’d made him feel and it was as if I was being stabbed in the heart. I smiled and he looked away. “Look, Mom, I appreciate you trying to help, but if it’s all the same, I’m just going to head back to the barracks for the night.”

I didn’t have a chance to argue.

“No, Brooks. You’re going to come sit down next to Katy and listen to what I have to say.”

When he didn’t move, she stood up and pointed to the couch. “Now.”

Even as a grown man, I watched him sit quickly, knowing his place.

Whatever it was that she was going to say must have been important, but for the life of me, I couldn’t even imagine her having any kind of secret.

Then she started speaking and from the first sentence, I knew, nothing was ever going to be the same.

Chapter 58

Who made up the saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? I’d like to punch that person in the face.

“Katy, I know why your mother went to visit your father that day.”

Danica started her confession with one sentence and it had enough of an impact to make Brooks put his head down and me to hold my breath.

“Do you honestly think this is going to solve anything that’s going on now? Don’t hurt her more with the past, Mom. Whatever it is, just leave it be.”

I grabbed his arm. “No. I wanted to know since it happened. Please. Tell me why she was there.”

Danica covered her face with her hands and began to sob. She finally looked up at me with tear filled eyes. “I just want you to know that no matter what, I do love you like you’re my daughter. I’ve never done it out of guilt.”

I was so confused. “What are you talking about?”

“We didn’t know she was there. She told your dad that she had a PTA meeting at the school. We wanted to tell her, in fact that’s why I was there.”

I threw my hands up in the air. “What are you talking about? Where were you? Who were you with? I’m so lost.”

Brooks grabbed my hand. “I think I know what you’re going to say. Mom, please don’t do this to Katy. Don’t do this to our family.”

Again, I was so confused.

“Your father has known since the night before they died. I told him first. We had decided to separate and I walked next door to tell your father.”

Then, as my mind started to wander, it was all coming together.

Danica cried harder. “Katy, I loved your father. I wanted to be with him, and I had ended things with Walt thinking that he wanted to be with me too.”

I felt Brooks slipping his hand inside of mine. We didn’t look at each other though, because of the shock of what Danica was saying to us. “Please don’t tell me that you were having an affair with my father. He wouldn’t. He loved my mom. I know he did.”

I was beginning to freak out.

“I saw you kiss him and you told me that I was mistaken. I believed you. That’s what I saw wasn’t it?” Brooks was getting agitated and he was taking it out on my poor hand. When he noticed what he was doing, he loosened his grip, but didn’t let go. “You lied right to my face.”

“You both need to understand that we’d all been friends for so long. It just happened and we couldn’t stop it. I tried to stop, I swear I did.”

I was crying, but it was more in anger, because I felt so betrayed. “So she caught you? Is that what happened?”

“Yes,” she sobbed. “We’d been having a heated argument and I followed your dad into his bedroom. We could hear you three in the tree house and thought we were alone. He rejected me, Katy. You’re father told me he couldn’t do it. He said he wouldn’t ever leave your mother.”

“Then how did she catch you? She caught you talking about it?”

I looked over at Danica, but she was too busy crying to answer.

“Mom, answer us. What did you do?”

She shook her head. “I was so hurt. I’d ended my marriage for him and he wouldn’t leave her. So, out of desperateness, I threw myself at him, begging for one last night together.” She was quiet for a second. “And he didn’t resist.”

I pictured my mother, always so kind and loving, walking in on her one true love and her best friend. The bile rose to my mouth imagining it in my mind. I pulled away from Brooks and started to walk to the bathroom, on account of not being able to run.

“How could you do something like that? She trusted you. Dad trusted you.”

“Brooks, don’t walk away. You need to hear everything.”

B came into the bathroom with a doll in her hand. “Mama, boosh hair.”

While sitting on the floor, feeling nauseous, I brushed her baby doll’s hair. When I was finished she touched my cheek where a tear was in the process of falling. “No cry.” Then she ran out of the room.

Brooks was standing at the door, still in his military dress attire. He’d removed his hat, or whatever those barrette looking things were, and stared at me. “I can’t listen to her.”

“I know what you mean, but I need to know the whole story. This doesn’t just involve you or my dad. It involves all of us, even Branch.”

“I just had to bury Bobby, and now she’s making things worse. I can’t do it, Brooks. Find out what she has to say and then make her go. Buy her a ticket and send her home.”

He crossed his arms. “Kat, this time I’m asking. I need you.”

Brooks never needed me and hearing him ask made everything that I was going through seem irrelevant. I started to stand and he helped me, lifting me the rest of the way. For a moment he looked into my eyes and wiped away my tears. “No matter what she has to say, however it affects us, it won’t change anything for me. If you want space, I’ll give it to you. If we can’t move forward, I’ll accept it.”

I couldn’t give him an answer, because it would have required me to speak and I was too emotional to do it without breaking down.

We held hands as we walked back into the room and sat down across from the woman that was doing a great job tearing our family completely apart.

“Why was my mother in that building, Danica? I need to know.”

“After she walked in on us we didn’t exactly have the words to explain. She put on a pretty face and told me to leave, without saying anything else. I think that hurt me more than anything; the fact that she refused to look at me. I felt so ashamed and regretted everything immediately. I don’t know what they talked about, or how she managed to get through the night without anyone knowing. I went home and made dinner, just waiting for her to confront me. I even called you boys in early that night, in fear of having to leave and spend the night away from the house. Your father was a mess. I’d broken his heart and he wasn’t willing to accept that we were through. The thing is, I never stopped loving him. I just got so caught up in the affair.”

I felt like cringing as she spoke, but instead I squeezed Brooks hand as his mother broke his heart.

“The next morning he left for work and finally was able to call. He said that you were all going to be moving and the house was going to be up for sale within the week. He told me that I was a mistake and that he’d spend the rest of his life making his mistake up to your mother.”

She put her head down and cried harder. “That’s the last time I heard from your father, but not the last time I heard from your mother.”

Danica looked right at me. “Katy, that morning she drove you all to school, and none of you probably caught on that anything was wrong. She was going to meet your father so that they could talk.”

“How do you know that? Because I know she wouldn’t have called to tell you that.”

“The school called me first, letting me know that I had to come get the boys. They asked if you’d be coming home with me, too. As angry as she was at me, I knew you were her first priority, so I called her. When she answered I could tell that it was bad. She didn’t get on the line and start cussing me out, or accusing me of ruining your family. She was calm, almost like she knew what was happening and that they weren’t going to make it. I’ll never forget the words she said to me.” She paused and looked right at me. “Take care of Katy, Dani. Keep her safe and love her forever. Make sure Brooks never takes her for granted.”

I was crying so hard that Brooks was literally holding my body still. I could hear Danica’s sobs, but I refused to open my eyes. It hurt too much to think about. I felt his arms wrapping around my back and him kissing the top of my head. “Shh.”

I couldn’t control my emotions as the pain ripped through me over and over again. I was playing it all out in my head. It was as if I could see her driving to see my father, hoping that they could somehow work through it to keep our family together. I could see her overlooking that betrayal to give one final wish for her only child. After Danica had deceived her and tried to tear them apart, she still wanted her to care for me, because she knew I’d be loved. How could someone, who knew they were dying, swallow their pride and be that brave? My mother wasn’t just beautiful, she was my hero, and she died with the man that was willing to do anything to keep us all together. I wanted to be mad, but it was so poetic at the same time. If I ever had to choose a way to die, in that desperate of situations, I’d want to be with Brooks, because knowing he was at my side would make it all somehow easier.

When I finally opened my eyes and looked in her direction, I was ready to find out why, out of all the times she could have told us, what she was telling us now. “Why now?”

Danica looked at me like I should have already known why. “Don’t you get it, Katy? You can’t move forward with Brooks because you think you were responsible for Bobby’s death. How do you think I felt, raising the daughter of the couple that I killed?”

Then it all made sense.

Everything.

Every single time she’d forgiven me. Every time she looked into my eyes and told me she loved me. Every moment that she spent trying to fix my wounds and comfort me when I was sad.

IT ALL MADE SENSE.

What was even more enlightening, for me, was that I could finally see the point that she was hopelessly trying to get me to see.

“Katy, you’ve got one life; one chance to make things right. It’s taken me a long time to accept the things that I can’t change. I’ve got to live with myself every day. I’ve got to look in the mirror and face those demons, but I do it, because I have you and the rest of our family. You see, out of something tragic, I learned to be better to myself and to the people around me. I worked things out with Walt and I’ve never loved anyone like I love him now. Seeing you making the same mistakes I made is killing me. I don’t want you walking away from something you were always meant to have. Even your mother knew it. You two have been in love your whole lives. I’ve never seen something so beautiful in all of my life. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but please don’t give up on each other. I know your parents are looking out for you. They brought you two back together. I have to believe that.”

She stood up and walked out of the room while Brooks and I pulled apart and looked at each other, both completely in shock.

Chapter 59

I didn’t know what to say to him, and it was obvious that he was also at a complete loss for words. As he used his thumbs to wipe away my tears, his head rested against mine. What else could he do? He was in shock.

We both were.

Our parents had been having an affair, and it had cost my innocent mother her life. For years we’d all lived under the same roof with no clue that it had ever happened.

That wasn’t what was bothering me. What was making it hard for me to understand was the fact that Danica’s confession had opened my eyes to what I was doing with my own life. I was dwelling on the things that I couldn’t change and taking for granted what was right in front of me.

Whether or not I could forgive Danica wasn’t the issue. There was something way more important that I needed to tend to; someone that I’d relied on my whole life, but never really let myself believe that it could really exist. Considering my past, and all the pain that came with it, imagining rainbows and sunshine never happened for me. Sure, I knew I loved Brooks, and I also knew he was all I wanted, but I guess I just never had faith that I’d have the chance at it. I’d been living in the now for so long, protecting myself from more long-term heartache. Instead of imagining a forever, I’d thought about when it would all fall apart again.

My eyes were finally open.

Without speaking, I pulled Brooks into my bedroom and sat him down on the bed. “Wait here.”

He watched me walk out, but never argued or asked where I was going. I peeked into B’s room and saw her lying with her grandmother. Danica needed her. As upset and shocked as I was, I also knew that she had honored my mother’s last wish. She’d taken care of me and given me the best life that I could have. She let me make my own decisions, and even though they were wrong, I was able to learn it for myself. She’d forgiven me for all of my flaws and accepted the fact that I’d kept my daughter from her for two years. I knew everything wasn’t going to go back to the way it was over night. Since me and Brooks still needed to sleep on how to react to what we’d just discovered, I took comfort in knowing she wasn’t alone. She was with the one person in the world that was too young to understand what was occurring. Danica was with the one person on the planet that loved her unconditionally.

I knew B was in good hands, so I went back into my room and locked the door.

Brooks was still sitting there with his hands on his knees. He was looking down at the floor, most likely wondering how he was going to be able to look at his mother the same way again.

I got down on the floor and wedged myself in between his legs. He looked into my eyes and I wiped away his tears. His cheeks were warm and a darker shade of pink from being emotional, yet he was still so handsome. When he got upset, his eyes were an even brighter shade of blue.

“I’m so sorry about my mom, Kat. If I would have known-”

I cut him off by putting my finger up to his lips. “Shh, don’t talk about it. Just listen to what I have to say.”

I knew my eyes were glossy, and I was about to pour my heart out and pray that I could fix what I’d broken. “Do you know that there’s not one single day in my life that I can remember where I didn’t love you?”

He folded his hands together and I watched his saddened face change. He wasn’t smiling, but I definitely had his attention. “Tell me something I don’t know,” he teased.

“I’m tired of fighting with you. I’m sick of all of it.” I waited to see if I was confusing him. When his eyes began to squint, I knew he was thinking. “What your Mom told us may be unbelievable, but I get why she did it. For the first time I understand what she’s been trying to get through my hard head. It’s like I’m seeing clearly, finally.” He held up his arms, like I made no sense at all. “Brooks, if you don’t move all of your shit into this house soon, I’m going to go crazy. There’s no reason you’re still going to the base to change. B and I need you here. We can’t be a family unless you’re here with us, all of the time. Your mom was right. I can’t change my past, and I shouldn’t ruin my future; our future. If it’s still okay, I’m ready to fall completely into this with you. I’ve been ready my whole life, but I was just too scared of losing you. I’m not scared anymore, Brooks. I’m not afraid of what tomorrow might bring, because I know you’re going to be there. I know you’ll protect me and love me like you’ve done our whole lives. God, I’ve wasted so much time. Are you even listening to me? Do you still want this?” He was silent. “Say something?”

He stared at me, never responding.

Then he fell back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, while I sat there, crouched down on the floor. All of the sudden I heard him laughing.

No, he wasn’t just laughing, he was losing his mind, carrying on with himself so loudly that I knew his mother could hear him. I climbed on the bed, wondering if he was literally going insane. When I went to shake him, he grabbed my arm before I could make contact. Then he was quiet.

I looked at him, concerned and wondering if I’d been right to assume he was going crazy. That’s when I saw the tears running down the sides of his face. “Are you okay? Is it the affair? Do you want to talk about it?” I hadn’t considered that he needed time. I’d been selfish again and not put him first.

He sat up and peered into my eyes, so serious with intent. “I can’t be mad about something that we had no control over. I’ve never been one to live in the past, not when I knew you were always my future.”

The room started to spin as my heart rate picked up and I felt as if I were starting to float. “Come again?” I wanted to hear it one more time.

“I said that you are my future and I’ve always known it, well felt is a better word.”

I felt it too, every single time a flash of him came into my mind. I felt it when he walked into the room, or when he touched me. It was always there. I kissed him with more emotion that we’d ever shared between us. It was as if years of pain, and loss were being wiped clean from our memories. Love radiated between us and it wasn’t like our first kiss, or the first time I remembered being with him. This was something so much more powerful. It was forever finally opening its door for us to enter into.

Our slow and paced kisses turned into hunger. I needed to feel him against my skin and I wasn’t going to wait another second for it to happen. I’d stopped thinking about what other people thought of me, or how I’d played a part in Bobby losing his life. I wasn’t thinking about Danica and my father, or the pain that my mother felt. All I could feel was Brooks and the moment that we were having together. Our movements were in sync and, without even undressing, it felt as if we were already making love.

Brooks turned me around and unzipped the back of my dress. I could feel his knuckles getting close to my panty line before his hand went back up to assist with pulling it down, so that it could come all the way off of me. I turned around and stood there, in only a pair of underwear and admired the way he looked at me.

He didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, but instead desired. I could see him playing out his next move in his mind as he pulled me close. We kissed again and I pulled back teasing him with my wet lips. One button at a time, I started taking off his dress coat. He shimmied out of it and I lifted the white t-shirt up over his head. Both of his hands were on my breasts, cupping them, while he kissed the skin between them.

I used my hands to unbutton his pants and sank down off the bed to remove them. Brooks shoved his boxer briefs down to his knees and I pulled them off the rest of the way.

I looked right at him as I let my own underwear fall down to my feet. He leaned up on his elbows and motioned with his head for me to get on the bed.

I climbed on top of him, straddling his legs. He reached up and pulled my hair to fall over my breasts. “Tell me you’re mine.”

I leaned down to touch our lips together. “I belong to you, I always have and I always will.” I reached lower and traced the K tattoo under his left ribs. “And you belong to me.”

Brooks ran his hands on both sides of my arms and started pulling my body into a moving pace. My hands moved over the skin on his chest and I watched as his nipples responded to my palms crossing over them. My body leaned forward and I licked over one of them. He responded by gasping and digging his hand into my hair, pulling me into another kiss. His eagerness was apparent, both in his erection and the way he was affecting me.

Our bodies were converging, moving together in a harmonic rhythm. Heated sensations radiated from each kiss to the wet sex between my legs. Brooks reached down and touched me, there where he knew he’d have me very soon.

His tender stroking over my bud caused my body to react. I bucked and did my best not to call out and wake up Danica and B.

Our crusade for mutual stimulation was just beginning and I was fully prepared to go for as long he wanted it. I reached for his shaft, taking it into my hand and began to stroke it. His soft skin felt prodigious against my palm as I continued to massage him and carry him to the brink of release.

His body arched and I watched him closing his eyes and fighting the urge to let go.

Brooks was never selfish. He flipped us over, teasing me with his tongue, and focusing on my mouth instead of the package between his legs. “Don’t make me stop, Brooks. We have all night.”

He corrected me, “No, Kat, we have forever.”

He was right, not that it was going to stop me from savoring him at that very moment.

I sank down between his legs and took him into my hand. Brooks leaned up on his arm and played with my hair. Seeing him lick his own lips made me crazy. I got butterflies knowing I was turning him on. When my lips took over and my mouth found a good stride, I watched as the man I loved completely let go. He held me tight, forcing me to pause until he regained composure.

Then with one swift adjustment, he was on top of me, kissing my lips, my neck and the skin between my breasts. He sucked on my nipple, pulling it with his teeth and then repeating the same process to the other. I bit down on my lip and savored each stroke of his tongue over my sensitive skin. I felt his lips dragging over my belly button and then finally circling over my clit.

My sex was throbbing, begging for him to keep going until he brought me to a euphoric orgasm. I wanted to be consumed by ecstasy and celebrate our future with a night full of magnificent love making.

After satiating my cravings for my own release, Brooks finally positioned himself on top of me. I didn’t care that I wasn’t in control, especially when he grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his waist. I had no problem clinging to him and never letting go.

His pace was driven by our desire and the new hope of what was ahead for us.

I’d finally made peace with my past and it was clear that we could have it all if I gave myself to him in every way. Loving Brooks didn’t just come with incredible sex, or intense feelings, it came with the anticipation of discovering the most powerful love that many people never get to experience.

We came together, while kissing and holding hands. My legs stayed wrapped around him and he collapsed on top of me, trying to catch his breath. He took my hand and brought it up to his lips. “I’ll move my clothes in tomorrow.”

An enormous smile filled my face. I’d found my happy place and I never wanted to leave it.

Right before falling asleep, I heard Brooks laughing again.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. “What’s so funny?”

He kissed me before answering. “I was just thinking how you said I wouldn’t get any action on this bed.”

I smiled and reached down between his legs. “We’re just getting started.”

Chapter 60

September 11th 2013

“I can’t believe it’s been twelve years,” I said to Brooks as we stood there looking down at my parent’s headstones. B was running around Branch and Melissa with a small bouquet of yellow roses. Since it was also her birthday, I’d bought her a fancy yellow dress that accented her skin and eyes.